A New Approach to 9/11
On 9/11, I was a doctoral candidate at Harvard Divinity School and I had just returned from doing fieldwork in Japan. I was studying the rites known as
hōji, memorial customs that the Japanese have observed for centuries. I had come to know of them through my life in Japan where I spent the decade of the '80s. After giving birth to my son there in 1985, I found myself thinking about my mother’s still-born sister. My neighbor helped me set up a little altar space in my home to observe these rites for 100 days as a way of putting my mind to rest about our family’s having never been able to properly grief that little girl. I was struck by how it was the most satisfying experience I’d had of prayer to-date—and I was a preacher’s daughter! As if something—a big gash on the horizontal plane-- had gotten filled in.
As I watched the Twin Towers erupt in flame, I had two thoughts: “This means war”; and, “if only we could, as a nation, undertake the rituals that the Japanese observe, perhaps it wouldn’t have to mean war.” By that time, I was well-versed in the literature on bereavement, and two studies in particular stood out: one by the German psychoanalytic couple, Alexander and Marguerite Mitscherlich, of post-WWII Germany, which they called, “The Inability to Mourn.” Another was by an anthropologist of the Philippines, Renato Rosaldo, entitled, “Grief and the Headhunter’s Rage.” Both are classic studies in the field. The Mitscherlich conclusion was that manic economic activity in Germany (remember dumping in the ‘60s?) was a symptom of Germany’s inability to process their losses, including loss of the ideals represented in the Fuhrer. Rosaldo’s study warned of the displacement of anger onto unsuspecting peoples when proper channels of bereavement are not provided. Taken together, these studies mandate an exploration of the potential of these rites to assuage our grief both as individuals and as a nation.
Comparative studies of Japanese and American widows demonstrate, perhaps a bit counter-intuitively, that Japanese widows are more resilient than their American counterparts. And we’ve recently witnessed how composed and civilly the Japanese responded to the disastrous effects of the tsunami there in the spring. These rites are at the center of the collective cultivating of cooperation, compassion and care. I commend them to our consideration.
As a primer in these traditions, you can begin by generating a calendar of ritual events. Go to your “MyRiteSource” page and scroll all the way to the bottom of the page, or look under the
“Resources” tab for the
“Ritual Calendar” and then simply type in the date of death of your deceased loved one(s). We will generate a calendar of sporadic ritual occasions that you can use to call together, or gather here on The Rite Source website through a
group you can establish for the purpose of collectively mourning. We supply a free,
downloadable set of ritual instructions for you to use in a private, individual memorial rite that can be adapted to use for public occasions. For further refinements and elaborations on the initial instructions, you can find
other sets of ritual instructions on our resources page.
And feel free to
contact us for individual, group and family consultations on the use and adaptation of the rites or for any other questions you might have.
In ancient China, it was considered the ruler’s job to conduct these rituals. They were “spiritual” but not “religious” in today’s common parlance. But the people believed strongly that the ruler’s ability to perform these rites helped to establish the legitimacy of his rule. What if we tried these ritual means before going to war? At the very least, we should be conducting these rites in lieu of going shopping.
